M: Looks like you've become more cautious about penning down thoughts via online media.
G: Because I met an interesting ...... as well.
M: You met interesting dots??
G: Interesting heart. M: I thought you would say interesting mind or brain haha. G: Heart has more warm connection than brain. M: That is if you can touch the heart.
Emotional, what is being more emotional? I didn't feel it before. Somehow now I can feel it. So good that I am not a machine anymore. Emotion drives us everyday. It is different from purpose. Purpose is something we do it intentionally. Emotion is the opposite way. It is something we can not control.
This year is amazing. I felt I grew up 3 years older in one year. And it is not because I went to tour some other places. Something just magically happened and wake me up this year. Yes, this world is truly different. It is different, because I never view it like this, I never open my eyes to see this colorful world. I was really wondering how I lived like that before. Live like a machine, think like a machine, and act like a machine. I was so cold and unfeeling to this world, to others, and even to myself. The beauty of the world is just beside myself. I did not chose to sense it. Suddenly I found I can learn so much at anytime, at everywhere. Last time, I had my goal. This time, I have my dream. I was Neo in the matrix. Now I am Neo in real world. It is so good to breathe the fresh air.
You may not believe it But I don't believe in miracles anymore And when I think about it I don't believe I ever did for sure All the things I've said in songs All the purple prose you bought from me Reality's just black and white The sentimental things I'd write Never meant that much to me
I used to be the main express All steam and whistles heading west Picking up my pain from door to door Riding on the storyline Furnace burning overtime But this train don't stop, This train don't stop, This train don't stop there anymore
You don't need to hear it But I'm dried up and sick to death of love If you need to know it I never really understood that stuff All the stars and bleeding hearts All the tears that welled up in my eyes Never meant a thing to me Read 'em as they say and weep I've never felt enough to cry
When I said that I don't care It really means my engine's breaking down The chisel chips my heart again The granite cracks beneath my skin I crumble into pieces on the ground
Not only something, it is the same for everything. The non-changing nature of everything is everything is changing. My mind was split into two part. I acted like two different people. One is a soft and fragile person. The other is a proud and aggressive person. How did this begin? In the beginning I was a proud and aggressive person. After I went through some failures, I become a soft and fragile person. I remember I still can turn back. I always try to suppress my aggressive part. But somehow it turns out my approach of solving problems are still straight forward and aggressive. I thought I can go through somethings to make me rely on someone else. In the end, the part I have been always suppressing has come out. And I change a lot. I thought that door could be closed, but it is opened again in a different way. Yes, I am still proud and aggressive. Moreover, I found I had already gained another character through these years. It is persistent. Nothing can change over night. I can not change myself overnight. What I can achieve is to change myself over years, change myself through experiences, and change myself by thinking more. The goals are important. And the each steps of reaching the goals are more important. I remember Dr Pickard said "Work hard, make use of our hands and do kick ass jobs".
I remember that Dr Roy told me"Guo Cheng, nothing can change over night. Things can change in long term. You should focus what you can do after next 6 months or next year."
