Unknown Feeling

I don't know where to start in this post. Things happened recently are really interesting. They made me feel funny, weird, exciting, happy, and sad at same time. It's hard to describe it. So where should I begin with?

My dad wanted someone to deliver some bed sheets to me, because bed sheets are much cheaper in Tianjin. At that time he asked me which friend of mine were still in Tianjin. It turned out that F was in Tianjin.

F and I have known each other since secondary school when we were both at the age of thirteen. Then we went to the same senior high school as well. Later on, he chose to come to study in Singapore. Then I chose to come to Singapore one year later. Till today, we have known each other for thirteen years. He is very an independent person. Unlike other people, he chose neither studying in University or taking a job after polytechnic. He started his own business. He began with fish food business, then switched to clean water equipment. And now he is doing quite well in pipeline system business. Because he is a businessman, he gained a lot social experiences. Sometimes he like to share some with us. We all respect his opinions.

F, I and his girlfriend had a dinner last Friday. He gave me a lot of suggestions. One was about parents, the other was about marriage. Firstly, about parents. He said we should go back to Tianjin one day. Because he believed that both of our parents are not able to integrate with Singapore society; if they arrived here and stay for long term, they can't live happily without their friends like in our hometown. And they will age older which will require us to take care of them. His plan is to go back to Tianjin in two or three years time. And he is trying to shift his business back to Tianjin as well. Secondly, about marriage. He said I should find someone whom I know well, because there are too many women who is into money and wealth. There are many cases that women will seek divorce after marriage in order to divide husband's asset. From his words, I feel he is a grown-up adult who takes responsibility series. While I am still a half-grown kid who only think of myself.

We met again for dinner at Saturday night. This time, we had a longer conversation. He particular asked me about my point of view on marriage. I gave him my honest answer: "I don't know." Like what he said on Friday, he pointed out I should look for a person whom I have known for years. Then he started to list all the girls name from my batch who studied in same senior high school and came to Singapore. He thought W would be a good choice for me. Indeed, W and I have known each other for six years. And I do feel good about her. But we don't have that kind of electrify attractive chemistry. Unfortunately, I leaked a message out to F that W's birthday party was on Sunday. He gave me a plan that I should buy a necklace(around $50) for her as the birthday gift, then sent a sms "How about the gift" and examine her reply. He suggested that if her reply is like "Thank you, I really like it.", then I will stand up a chance. If her reply is "Thank you, it really trouble you and cost you to buy it", then I will have little chance. Even when I told F that W is heading to Australia this April for her degree. He said it doesn't matter, and if we can have a relationship, she can come back to me after her study, because she is a honest person. I was thrown into this dilemma, on one hand, I respect F's opinion and he is always keen in to help people, on the other hand, I feel W is a really nice female friend, but our future journey are different. I am more keen in to live to different places of the world while she prefer to go back soon or later.

Here comes the Sunday dinner. Before the dinner, I called my dad for suggestions. He said W and I are in two different path; she is going to Australia and I will stay in Singapore, thus it is unlikely to succeed. In the end, I didn't buy any beautiful necklace for her, because I still feel she is just a good friend of mine. Instead, me and my friends bought a birthday cake for her.

There were five people on the dinner, W, Y, H, Z, and I. We chatted from 5:30pm all the way to 8:00pm. Then we went to RP, sat at a quiet spot, and lighten up birthday candle for W. While we were having tasty chocolate cake, our topic switched to H and her friend P. Finally H confessed that she had half a year relationship with P. But she broke up with him, because her parents strongly disagreed. She said she is the only daughter and have to listen to parents to make them happy.

The truth is no matter how old we have grown, we still listen to parents. I don't know whether it is a advantage or disadvantage for our generation. Today, I have a dinner with F again. He said our destiny is defined after reaching four years old, if a person can be a general, he can't be a soldier; if he can be a soldier, he can never be a general. I really don't know about that. What I feel most is our generation(single child policy) is really lack of something. Something we can have if we have brothers or sisters. We can rely on parents, but there is a generation gap. I want to be fully independent but yet I still need help.