F's Lesson 3

F, C, L, and I had a gathering in a small Chinese restaurant yesterday. We had some delicious YangRouChuan (the figure on the left). With no doubts, we received a lesson again.

C is going to finish his part time degree soon. And he is going to Australia for seven days as part of his degree program. We had a discussion about going abroad and gaining experience. F and C had a long chat of traveling to Australia. F went to Australia twice. His advice for C was be like a traveler.

Then we talked about our work. For me, I don't feel comfortable to tell other people my salary. I do like my friends. However, I like my privacy as well.

F said to C that he should get his degree first so that his starting pay will be around $3000. Then he can find a woman who earn about $2000. And with $5000 income per month, C and his future wife can afford housing and car.

I told F that how come he planed so well for C. His answer was I need to do further planing. After than he mentioned the same thing again that I should chase W, even she is heading to Australia. He said W is a honest woman, and if we get together we will have a stable family.

Although F has been to Australia, Turkey, and many other countries. Deep in his heart, he is still a person from Tianjin. However, I learned different culture to fulfill myself. In fact, I don't even know who I am. F is a nice guy, he is my good friend, but our value is different.

F's Lesson 2

Just now I had a dinner with F in NTU and we had a discussion about career development.

I mentioned that one of our friend X went back to Tianjin. F asked me what she told me about her intension? I gave him the answer that X typed on MSN, she said "I probably won't go back to Singapore".

Like us, X came here to study in Polytechnic. Then she worked as an assistant engineer for three years so that she could clear the bond. Last December, we met on the plane back to Tianjin. To my surprise, she bought a single way ticket. Her explanation was she resigned her job in order to spend a longer holiday with her family. When she explained her reasons I could sense her little sadness and low confidence. At that moment, I knew that she was not fully happy with her stay in Singapore. I could sense that she was not certain about her future.

On the first day of this month X and I had a chat on MSN. When I asked her whether she would return, she gave me that answer"I probably won't go back to Singapore".

F share me his opinion on X: X was just pretending to return here. She left quietly, because she didn't have a plan. She thought returning to Tianjin would be a new start for her, but a person without plan is like a ultimate bridge to nowhere. It is not the case that going back to home will always be better. No matter where we live, we have to work hard. No pain, no gain.

F told me he spot the weakness of X: X left quietly without letting most people know, because she herself look down upon her. And she believe returning back to Tianjin could be a turning point.

When F was driving me back home, I still though of what he said. Changing environment without changing ourselves is not a promising solution.

F's Lesson

Without any doubts, F is the most independent person among us. Yesterday he gave me a lesson on marriage again.

His idea on marriage is that our chances of finding someone and fall in love is at the maximum in colleague, then chances will slowly decrease to zero until we reach forty. His belief is it's better to marry someone whom we know well, because there are a lot of women who have money faces underneath social masks.

He gave me two examples. His cousin sister, who has high income and can speak fluently English, married to an average income guy whose job is missile research. Because she felt an average guy is more stable and secure. F's cousin brother who is the director of Shell in Southern West Chins region married to an average looking woman. Because he felt that an average woman is more loyal.

He still suggested me going for W, even she would leave Singapore next month. His suggestion was as same as last time that I should buy a necklace or something more expensive for her to show that I am interested in her. To me, W is a really nice girl, but we won't even see each other together after next month. I just simply don't believe anything could happened when two people can't stay in a same place. He insisted on his opinion. He said if can show her that I am interested and she accept it, she will come back to me after her two years degree in Austrilia. Then he said if I don't go for her, I may end up having match making to be the last choice. His point of view is in match making both sides see each other's social mask, and it will create problems after marrige.

His idea on his marriage is he will get married in two or three years time, then go back to our hometown, start a business there, and take care of his parents. His girlfriend is from a city not far away from Tianjin. He said when he go back, he will bring his parents-in-law to Tianjin.

I really like F's lesson. It showed me a different story from a different angle on a same topic. However, I think we two are different. He is more keen in to find one suitable woman and get married while I have never thought about this.

Later on, I had a chat with my mum. Her opinion is that a man with successful career is more attractive, and a successful man can go for women who are ten or even fifteen years old younger, so working hard on career is the most important step. Well, that's a different opinion again.

Unknown Feeling

I don't know where to start in this post. Things happened recently are really interesting. They made me feel funny, weird, exciting, happy, and sad at same time. It's hard to describe it. So where should I begin with?

My dad wanted someone to deliver some bed sheets to me, because bed sheets are much cheaper in Tianjin. At that time he asked me which friend of mine were still in Tianjin. It turned out that F was in Tianjin.

F and I have known each other since secondary school when we were both at the age of thirteen. Then we went to the same senior high school as well. Later on, he chose to come to study in Singapore. Then I chose to come to Singapore one year later. Till today, we have known each other for thirteen years. He is very an independent person. Unlike other people, he chose neither studying in University or taking a job after polytechnic. He started his own business. He began with fish food business, then switched to clean water equipment. And now he is doing quite well in pipeline system business. Because he is a businessman, he gained a lot social experiences. Sometimes he like to share some with us. We all respect his opinions.

F, I and his girlfriend had a dinner last Friday. He gave me a lot of suggestions. One was about parents, the other was about marriage. Firstly, about parents. He said we should go back to Tianjin one day. Because he believed that both of our parents are not able to integrate with Singapore society; if they arrived here and stay for long term, they can't live happily without their friends like in our hometown. And they will age older which will require us to take care of them. His plan is to go back to Tianjin in two or three years time. And he is trying to shift his business back to Tianjin as well. Secondly, about marriage. He said I should find someone whom I know well, because there are too many women who is into money and wealth. There are many cases that women will seek divorce after marriage in order to divide husband's asset. From his words, I feel he is a grown-up adult who takes responsibility series. While I am still a half-grown kid who only think of myself.

We met again for dinner at Saturday night. This time, we had a longer conversation. He particular asked me about my point of view on marriage. I gave him my honest answer: "I don't know." Like what he said on Friday, he pointed out I should look for a person whom I have known for years. Then he started to list all the girls name from my batch who studied in same senior high school and came to Singapore. He thought W would be a good choice for me. Indeed, W and I have known each other for six years. And I do feel good about her. But we don't have that kind of electrify attractive chemistry. Unfortunately, I leaked a message out to F that W's birthday party was on Sunday. He gave me a plan that I should buy a necklace(around $50) for her as the birthday gift, then sent a sms "How about the gift" and examine her reply. He suggested that if her reply is like "Thank you, I really like it.", then I will stand up a chance. If her reply is "Thank you, it really trouble you and cost you to buy it", then I will have little chance. Even when I told F that W is heading to Australia this April for her degree. He said it doesn't matter, and if we can have a relationship, she can come back to me after her study, because she is a honest person. I was thrown into this dilemma, on one hand, I respect F's opinion and he is always keen in to help people, on the other hand, I feel W is a really nice female friend, but our future journey are different. I am more keen in to live to different places of the world while she prefer to go back soon or later.

Here comes the Sunday dinner. Before the dinner, I called my dad for suggestions. He said W and I are in two different path; she is going to Australia and I will stay in Singapore, thus it is unlikely to succeed. In the end, I didn't buy any beautiful necklace for her, because I still feel she is just a good friend of mine. Instead, me and my friends bought a birthday cake for her.

There were five people on the dinner, W, Y, H, Z, and I. We chatted from 5:30pm all the way to 8:00pm. Then we went to RP, sat at a quiet spot, and lighten up birthday candle for W. While we were having tasty chocolate cake, our topic switched to H and her friend P. Finally H confessed that she had half a year relationship with P. But she broke up with him, because her parents strongly disagreed. She said she is the only daughter and have to listen to parents to make them happy.

The truth is no matter how old we have grown, we still listen to parents. I don't know whether it is a advantage or disadvantage for our generation. Today, I have a dinner with F again. He said our destiny is defined after reaching four years old, if a person can be a general, he can't be a soldier; if he can be a soldier, he can never be a general. I really don't know about that. What I feel most is our generation(single child policy) is really lack of something. Something we can have if we have brothers or sisters. We can rely on parents, but there is a generation gap. I want to be fully independent but yet I still need help.